Last winter my parents loaned us the first two seasons of The Sopranos. I was highly skeptical at first, not being one who likes gangster/mob-related things.

But then we watched the first episode. Then the second. Before we knew it, we had consumed the entire first season in one night.

So I think it is more than correct to compare this show with crack. The Sopranos is highly addictive. It sucks the life out of you and all you can do is sit on the couch and drool for more.

This is not to say that I do not have my qualms with the show. Tony and his crew take center stage, with women relegated to support roles or, even worse, mere tits in the background.

The guys use a strip club as one of their fronts. They visit other strip clubs. They hire strippers for their parties. They use words like “bitch”, “cunt”, “coos”, and every other derogatory word you can think of to refer to women, regularly. Husbands and boyfriends cheat on their partners. It’s a microcosm of patriarchal domination and machismo. The men earn the money and the women spend it. The men are the patriarchs on the street and in the home.

And still I watch it.

After going nearly a year without a fix, we rented the first disc of the third season on Sunday and watched all four episodes. I was totally willing to go out at 11:30 PM and rent the other discs, but The Partner talked me out of it.

Growing up in this culture and society, I’m used to seeing women objectified, women playing supporting roles, women relegated to the nagging wife or the slut. I even voluntarily watch it.

In the second disc of the third season Tony’s therapist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi (played by Lorraine Bracco), is attacked in the parking garage and raped. Although the show has no problem with showing two topless women playing with each other on a stage, the rape was not as violent as it could be. Don’t get me wrong. It was a rape scene. Melfi was attacked, fought back, was over-powered, punched, and then raped in the stairwell.

I had no prior knowledge of this scene. Although the camera showed the guy walk pass Melfi in the stairwell, the rape came out of nowhere. I was stuck. My palms got sweaty, my heart started to race, and I got shaky.

It was over in less than a minute but it felt like eternity, of course.

This culture has failed in one respect: I am still not desensitized to rape scenes. I doubt I ever will be, though, like almost any other woman capable of identification with other women, like almost any other person capable of identifying with other people.

Although the police caught her rapist and Melfi was able to positively identify him, due to police a fuck-up he was released and could no longer be pursued. Sometimes the show takes on “real issues”.

I’m holding out to see if Melfi will tell Tony, so that he can “take care of it” since the judicial system failed her. I’m also holding out to see how they construct the character of Melfi in the coming episodes. I call it research.

It’s the twisted, fucked-up side of me that keeps me watching this show. I know this. I find entertainment in the portrayal of underground mobs and the violent lives they lead.

I do not always feel quite right watching, but it’s crack and I’m addicted.