For my birthday my mother bought me a beautiful blue zircon ring from a local jewelry artist, Melinda Risk (who has her own gallery, Melinda Risk Jewelry, but strangely no website). My mother wasn’t sure of my size, so I received the ring at a size 7, which almost fits my thumbs. The following Monday, October 22, I took it to her store to have it resized. I want to wear it on my right-hand ring finger, which is a size 5 1/2.

An assistant got out the ring sizer and had me try on various sizes. She told me that because the band of the ring was thick, I would need to have a larger size than I would normally wear, to allow for the swelling of my fingers. I told her I know how much my fingers swell and it isn’t that much, and then took off the ring I normally wear on that finger to have her size it. “That’s the size I want.” She stuck the ring on the metal rod sizer thing and said it was a size 6. I said, “No, that’s a 5 1/2.” She said, “No, it’s a 6. We’ll try a 6 1/2, to allow for swelling, and if that doesn’t fit we can always resize it again.”

They call that Wednesday and I go to pick it up, only to have it be too big. It was a different woman this time, so I again explained to her my finger is a 5 1/2, I don’t care about the swelling/thick band thing, and I want the 5 1/2.

She says, “Well, let’s do a 6; since it’s cold outside today, your fingers aren’t as swollen as they’d normally be.”

I again took off my normal ring and told her this is the exact size I want as it fits perfectly. She got out the rod again and said it was a size 6.

I grumbled.

She said, “We’ll do a 6 and if that doesn’t work we can resize it.”

I don’t know what it is. Is it the way I look? Do I not look like “the type” to be buying handmade jewelry, and therefore have no clue as to how to properly size my fingers?

They called this afternoon and told me the ring was ready for pick up. I was all excited, hoping it would fit this time and anxious because it has taken a week when last time it took one day.

I try it on and it’s still too big.

I grumble.

The woman gets out the ring sizers and has me try on a 5 3/4. I say, “No, this is still too loose,” and take off my ring for her to size. This woman, the third different woman I’ve dealt with, is a winner because she knows how to read the damn sizer rod and concludes my ring is a size 5 1/2.

No shit.

But, now she’s worried about the THICK BAND AND MY FINGER SWELLING.

What the fuck is it with these people?

I say, “Look. I’m a knitter, I’m constantly using my hands and I’m fully aware of just how much my fingers swell. They do not swell that much. I want the 5 1/2.”

“But if they do swell too much they’ll have to cut the ring off your finger.”

I blink.

“What? That’s not going to happen. I want it sized to a 5 1/2, like it should have been the first time I was here.”

Melinda was there, working with another customer. The gal asks her to come over. She recognizes the ring, and that this is the third time I’m asking for it to be resized.

“Again?” she asks.

“I’ve been telling your associates that my finger is a size 5 1/2 but they keep telling me it needs to be larger due to the ‘thick band’ issue.”

And then she asked me, all bothered, “Have you been trying it on the same finger each time?”

“WHAT THE FUCK” is on the tip of my tongue and I say, “Of course it’s been the same freakin’ finger. Do I look stupid?”

“Okay, I’ll do 5 1/2,” and she writes it down and brushes me off.

I need a drink.