“The less schools are teaching sexual education, the more the media becomes a critical tool that helps shape gender identities.”

The main problem I have is finding decent movies for children. Let me also say I don’t have children of my own yet. But, I was a child once and I remember a chunk of the movies I watched as a child, and I think I have a pretty good grasp on what children of certain maturity levels should see in their media in-take.

There are a shit-ton of films for kids. There’s always the Disney stand-by, but many more film companies have made it an industry, too, so picking out the good from the bad is quite a task, as any parent-of-worth is aware.

Last week, for example, one of the movies up for possible viewing was Osmosis Jones (2001). It was picked by the majority, which is the voting system our classroom utilizes, unless overruled by the dictators (i.e., teacher[s]). I can wholeheartedly say that even though Bill Murray is one of the main characters, it is a Piece of Utter and Total Fucking Shit. And I’ve seen some shit movies in my time. This ranks up there with the teevee version of Titanic, which features a flippin’ rape scene in-between the singing, just so you can get perspective on how it rates on the Piece of Utter and Total Shit Meter.

A rough synopsis: Murray’s character is a low-life slob/single father eating his way to a heart attack, all while trying to impress and win the heart and trust of his daughter, a totally self-conscious adolescent (i.e., not yet even a teenager). He eats so shittily that his body, displayed in animation/cartoon, revolts (i.e., gets sick). The bulk of the film thus portrays the internal workings, according to the anatomical and medicinal education of the film company et al, from germs rising up and a virus threatening to take over and kill the host, to a white blood cell (ironically, the voice of Chris Rock) and a super-pill (what a beefcake of a man) coming in to save the day.

My best parts of the film:

• Murray’s character is sick and a friend of his comes over to hang. His friend brings a six-pack of beer and reminds Murray to “drink your fluids.” Murray asks if beer counts–you bet it does!
• Murray’s daughter is on the bus to school. Friends in the seat behind her present to her fake eyelashes they bought for her. She puts them on, self-consciously asks if they’re alright. Friends say, Are you kidding?! “YOU LOOK GOOD WITH FALSIES.”

WHAT THE FUCK.

Only Hollywood could make this shit up and call it appropriate for kids. Only a jaded/corrupted ratings board could rate it “PG for bodily humor”. Positive associations with beer don’t count, eh? Telling girls “falsies” are okay doesn’t count, either? WTF.

The Partner suggests I bring in old 1950s films from archive.org to show. I’d LOVE for my students to watch (and understand) films on proper hygiene, good manners, social behavior, and working hard in school, but my kids have the attention spans equating to attention span? Look, I’ve got toes here on my feet!

Today’s movie was Funky Monkey? Let me look it up.

Yes, Funky fucking Monkey (2004).

Ugh. Total and Utter Shit, again. At least there was only live-action, and no cartoon representations this time. Although, I think using a chimpanzee performing karate moves (and a gang of Asians(?) called “The Chows” [!!!]) cancels out those points. OMFG the CHOWS!

In short, I’m looking for films that:

• Show loving, caring relationships between children, children and adults, children and other animals, adults and other animals, etc.
• Have positive portrayals of all kinds of peoples (i.e., Blacks, African Americans are not the animals, bad guys; Whites are not the All-Saving Knights in Shinning Armor; and women are not helpless, self-absorbed, body-conscious bimbos and/or sluts in need of saving)
• Have no drug/alcohol references
• Don’t show unrealistic portrayals of humans and other animals
• Don’t encourage fantasy living
• Don’t encourage consumption/consumerism
• No preference for/mention of religion/particular religion
• Yet teach valuable lessons of self- and community-betterment

So far, it seems impossible. Please, prove me wrong.

One film I remember from childhood, Pete’s Dragon (1977), which I think I’ll bring in for next week (its merits openly debatable, so please do):

People of good intentions and progressive predilection are scratching their heads wondering just how President Barack Obama managed to turn himself into George W. Bush Lite with sugar-on-top just twelve weeks after that fateful walk down the US Capitol’s east stairway to the waiting helicopter. I’m hardly the first observer to note that Mr. Obama’s actions in the face of an epochal finance fiasco and economic collapse are a mere extension of the pre-January-20 policies, carried out by much the same cast of characters.

James Howard Kunstler, “Note:Hope=Truth”

I struggled to contain myself.

What can you expect from a group with a song entitled “Sperm Receptacle“?

As I glanced around the crowd, women comprised at least half the attendance. In the first group to perform, The Crazy Monkeys, there are two women members. Even with this, they played mainly stereotypical female roles (ditsy girlfriend, girlfriend/wife who gets pregnant–whoops!, etc.).

There wasn’t much of substance in either performance.

Why not try some satirical work, or lampooning, of current political events instead of rehashing the same old bullshit from those who did it better, the first time around?

I’m so happy I didn’t pay for any of this shit.

Apparently YouTube wants to get paid, son:

YouTube will soon unveil a redesign that clearly separates its premium and long-form programming from the user-posted videos that account for most of its activity.
[...]
The new design will offer four tabs: Movies, Music, Shows, and Videos. The first three tabs will display premium shows, clips, and movies from Google’s network and studio partners, all of which will be monetized with in-stream advertising. Meanwhile the Videos channel will house amateur and semi-pro content of the sort major brand advertisers have shied away from. [Source: ClickZ, "YouTube Plans Redesign to Highlight Premium Content"]

It should happen soon, so we’ll see how it goes.

“When you tell somebody directions how to get to your place you gotta tell them it’s the third road on the left because there’s no sign to tell them how to get to Mullet Place,” said Richard Fleischfresser.

The city’s new solution: put the Mullet Place signs out of reach. Signs are usually about seven feet off the ground. The Mullet Place signs are about 20 feet off the ground. That’s too high for some residents. [Source]

Only local, folks.

I’m the chief executive of a publicly traded company and, like my peers, I’m very highly paid. The difference between salaries like mine and those of average Americans creates a lot of tension, and I’d like to offer a suggestion. President Obama should celebrate our success, rather than trying to shame us or cap our pay. But he should also take half of our huge earnings in taxes, instead of the current one-third. [Source]

I’ve always believed in taxing the shit out of the rich. It’s nice to have one step up. Read the full op-ed, “Please Raise My Taxes“, at NYTimes.com.

On the flip side, the majority of the state of California voted to WRITE INTO THEIR CONSTITUTION A BAN AGAINST SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

How can a constitution DENY RIGHTS?

So now, all the tens of thousands of couples who already entered into the marriage contract may be told, “Whoops! It turns out you’re actually NOT citizens! Your marriage is annulled! Sorry! But we can still be neighbors and friends and co-workers, right?”

What. The. Fuck.

You want to talk about change?

How about recognizing ALL citizens as having inalienable rights?

or this one

GET OUT AND VOTE!