I’m Not Dead

12May05 • {3}

I’m just in Maymester.

I’ve been going to bed anywhere from 9:30 to 10:00 PM and waking up around 6:00 AM. It’s taking it’s toll.

The two classes I’m in right now are going well. One of them kicks much ass, only thanks to the ultra-radical instructor who likes “stickin’ it to corporations”. On the first day he kept referring to the fact that in American society we “make believe” that a lot of things don’t happen or do happen, ignoring the reality of situations. I spent time after class talking with him about make believe and Derrick Jensen. I told him I’m very excited to be taking this course with him, and that I hope he can keep his radicalness (for lack of a better term) going. He said he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. Then we spent time talking politics.

He may just be my only light of hope these next five weeks.

My classmates, on the other hand, deserve a post all to themselves. Those who have been speaking in class are not on the same “wavelength” that I am when it comes to education. I’m holding out for the quiet ones.

Right now, I feel very much alone in my thinking.

I mentioned anarchy yesterday and had to explain what “dominant society” meant, and, of course, not very many people have read anarchist theory (or any theory of any kind, it seems) and believe it means chaos and all-out murder. My other comments got blank stares and I swear I heard crickets at one point. I’ll play the optimist and hold out for my instructors to be able to push my classmates into critical thinking.

As for right now, I have two texts to read, one to read by next week, observations to plan out, and plenty of papers and projects looming in the near future. I hope to have free time this weekend.

Outline of My* Tuesday

4May05 • {3}


6:45AM Wake up to alarm.

7:00 AM Go downstairs and eat Kashi cereal with soymilk.

7:05 AM Say goodbye to partner.

7:07 AM Sneeze snot onto myself.

7:10 AM Sit in coma-like state on couch.

8:00 AM Realize I have a final in about an hour, head for upstairs.

8:02 AM Finally make it upstairs.

8:05 AM Contemplate what clothes to wear.

8:06 AM Realize I’ll feel like shit no matter what I wear.

8:10 AM Brush teeth.

8:11 AM Sneeze snot all over myself.

8:12 AM Hack up part of left lung.

8:13 AM Blow nose.

8:14 AM Gather backpack and start reviewing philosophy class notes.

8:15 AM Stumble onto couch and review class notes.

8:16 AM Blow nose.

8:20 AM Head out towards bus stop.

8:25 AM Bus finally arrives. Get on and find a seat.

8:28 AM Pull string to request stop.

8:31 – 8:56 AM Pretend to be reviewing class notes. Continuously blow nose and hack up left lung. Stare at other students enjoying their good health.

8:56 AM Head into classroom. Pretend to be reviewing, but really end up listening to the couple sitting in front of me review their flashcards. Scoff at their nerdiness.

9:03 AM Fill out bubble sheet.

9:04 AM Begin philosophy final exam, consisting of 30 multiple-choice questions and fortunately, no essay this time.

9:05 AM Curse myself for not studying. Contemplate value of flashcards.

9:08 AM Feel snot oozing out of my nose.

9:09 AM Walk to back of room to hack up rest of left lung into trash can.

9:10 AM Stare at girl staring at me for hacking up my lung into the trash can. Give Evil Eye.

9:11 AM Sit back down and try to figure out which answer sounds the best. Curse multiple choice exams in philosophy courses.

9:26 AM Turn in bubble sheet and leave classroom.

9:28 AM Make it to bus stop and find out I just missed the bus.

9:29 AM Start walking home, thinking the walk will make me feel better.

9:52 AM Get home, walk up stairs, kick off backpack, coat, and shoes and collapse onto bed.

11:00 AM Wake up to mailperson dropping off mail.

11:01-11:06 AM Blow nose repeatedly and start hacking up right lung.

11:07 AM Pass out with jar of Vick’s clutched in hand.

12:20 PM Wake up in haze.

12:25 PM Make my way downstairs. Wonder why the partner isn’t home yet. Scrounge for food.

12:40 PM Go back upstairs and pass out on bed.

1:35 PM Partner gets home. I think we talked.

2:00 PM Wake up in haze.

2:05 PM Sneeze, cough, gag, pass back out.

2:35 PM Wake up in panic thinking I overslept for Soc final.

2:36 PM Curse my body for getting sick.

2:40 PM Gather backpack and sit on couch in haze.

2:42 PM Blow nose and wince at pain of dry skin.

2:45 PM Head to bus stop.

2:49 PM Get on bus.

2:54 PM Get off bus and walk to building.

2:56 PM Go into classroom, say hi to classmate and sulk in my sickness.

3:00 PM Get book out of backpack and start reading.

3:20 PM Wonder where the hell the professor is.

3:22 PM Professor finally arrives.

3:22-3:25 PM Ignore whatever it is professor is saying.

3:26 PM Fill out answer sheet and begin exam.

4:02 PM Turn in answer sheet and exam booklet, get asked by professor how I survived another semester with her. Lie profusely.

4:03 PM Start walking home.

4:25 PM Get home, walk upstairs, collapse on bed.

5:00 – 7:00 PM In a haze.

7:30 PM Partner makes dinner for me.

7:40 – 9:20 PM Play games on Yahoo! Games.

9:25 PM Brush teeth.

9:30 PM Collapse into bed.

11:30 PM Wake up in haze. Hack up right lung.

1:35 AM Wake up in haze. Realize I’m all sweaty. Blow nose repeatedly and hack up lung.

3:08 AM Wake up in haze. Realize I’m all sweaty. Again. Blow nose and hack up lung.

4:25 AM Wake up in haze. Realize I’m all sweaty. Yet again. Head is pounding. Stumble into bathroom and take an aspirin. Fill up water bottle.

4:30 AM Pass out with jar of Vick’s clutched in hand.

7:00 AM Partner wakes me up to say goodbye for the morning.

9:30 AM Wake up all sweaty. Force myself to take a shower.

10:00 AM Eat cereal and soymilk.

10:30 AM Surf weblogs while hacking up right lung.

10:50 AM Compile this list.

[*Here is Chris's Tuesday breakdown.]

One. More. Day.

28Apr05 • {3}

One more day and classes are officially over. I have four exams (two don’t really count as final exams, though) to take between Monday and Wednesday, and then I’m putting this semester behind me. Far behind me. All those in favor of getting stupid drunk on Wednesday can contact me or find me in a local bar.

I’ll keep most of my texts and throw a lot of things away, like unimportant handouts, and the entirety of one “general studies” course is being thrown in the dumpster tomorrow.

After that, I hope to be able to return to my normal Internet activity, at least for a few days. In between surfing and blogging I’ll be cleaning out my office space. (It has gotten really bad: piles of paper, binders, and textbooks everywhere!) Then summer term will start and I hope to be kept busy and challenged. For now, however, algebra review worksheets have my name plastered on them and Spanish grammar is calling me, and I’d better answer.

This will not have been my best semester, but it shouldn’t prove to be the worst, either. At least, I hope not. There are two classes, one in particular, that I’m fretting over, but I will not let it get to me. This is my education, afterall, and I take it or leave it on my terms.

If only the university would see things my way.

Coming Soon

27Apr05 • {3}

educe me dot com coming soon

Yet another dot com heading your way, brought to you by me.

Is It Over Yet?

26Apr05 • {ø}

Waking up at 6:00 AM for a 7:00 AM car maintainance maintenance (when will my brain remember that word?) appointment is not my bag. Sitting around a car shop for three hours, and thus missing a morning class, and trying to block out corporate television is definitely not my bag. Owning a car is not my bag either, but I’ll leave this topic at bay; the brakes were fixed and that’s all that matters presently.

It’s Tuesday and the week before finals. Had a horrible “presentation” this afternoon that I’d rather just forget, but might will post about here or elsewhere when I get the time. I can’t wait to get my hands on the course evaluation.

I just need to make it to Friday and all will be well with my world.