I’m not dead (as all bloggers seem to post after a long period of noncommunication/updates), but I’m in grad school. Only in my grad school, I don’t have to write a thesis! Yay! I’m secretly trying to work it out so I’ve got undergrad: thesis, grad: no thesis; doctorate: obviously thesis. It’s a good gap. Anyway.

I do have to read a lot. And I mean A LOT. It’s nuts. And I do have to write (relatively short) papers. Papers wherein I’m GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT, y’all! Can you believe it? I’ve never been tagged for this. But–and I’m going to blame this on blogging and Internet culture–I’ve found out I have a problem with my noun-pronoun referent/agreement. I’ve tried to bring it up with my instructor, but I’m left feeling rather “Eh, fuck it” about it.

For instance, I write: “The student has difficulty with repetitions and they will often give their attention elsewhere.”

Well, turns out THE STUDENT is “singular”, while THEY is “plural”.

I’m left saying: Why be so fucking nitpicky? I know we’re trying to be all elite and shit with our academic-ese, but come on!

I use “plural” pronouns because I’m trying to be gender-neutral—to avoid explicitly stating “s/he” or “he/she” or just “he” or just “she”—and to avoid such foreign substitutions as ZE or HIR, which I’m sure would REALLY cause my instructors’ heads to spin.

My instructors can’t seem to wrap their minds around that yet, seeing as how they’re all about APA format.

APA format bugs me.

And I hate using gendered pronouns in my writing about a general subject noun. It could be a “guy” or “dude” or “man”, or “girl” or “gal” or “woman”, but why specify? Can’t it just be a ‘person’? English language has of yet been incapable of leaving a noun genderless due to the pronoun requirement.

The student does something. I don’t care if THEY are a “boy” or a “girl”. I believe it’s rude of me to assume either in either direction.

I suppose if this is one of my main problems with school so far, I’ve got it good, right?

I also have a lot of group work, however, which is especially trying on my nerves, as not everyone reads what’s assigned to them. WHY ARE YOU NOT READING? You are paying the same amount as me, right? And you’re not doing your assignments? Please explain yourself, for $11,500.

I’m in a teacher education program. And I’m facing the same issues I faced when I thought about switching my undergrad to teacher education: folks just don’t read literature within the field. They are not familiar with what should be familiar terms, acronyms, organizations, concepts, and topics in the field of education. They don’t do their homework! Do I have unattainably-high expectations? That you should be at least somewhat familiar with your topic before you decide to devote your life to it? For example, I’m not going to go into computer science or bioengineering if I’ve never attached a file to an email (or cannot navigate Microsoft fucking Word), or messed around with cellular organisms before. I’d say, “Obviously I’m not that into it.”

In short, class time has been rather disappointing. There are highlights, fortunately, and a few classmates I can rally around. I’m hoping it will improve. We’ve got two years.

In these following two years (getting back to the point of this), expect limited updates from me. If you’re reading through RSS (a gripe for another post sometime), don’t sweat it: you’ll see the post(s) when/if I update. Otherwise, consider this a for-now farewell.

xoxo

I’ve been working in the field for the past year and half and somehow–I don’t know how–but I seem to have the patience needed to work with these children. Or at least that’s what folks keep saying to me when I answer their question, “What do you do?” It’s not just patience, but really an annoyance, a “Dammit! This is so silly! This shit can be fixed!” type of annoyance. But this description feels like downgrading or downplaying the real severity of these children’s lives. It isn’t silly to them at all, only silly to me, in the moment-by-moment of the daily grind. Like when it’s taken you two days to assess a child’s pattern of behavior and by the third day you’re all, “What the fuck, John Doe? This shit again?” but to the child it’s “Holy shit I’m freaking out and I have no fucking idea how to cope so I’m just going to throw this chair and scream FUCK YOU BITCH”. Yeah, not so silly. More, scary and freaky, the kind of freaky where you go home and shudder at thoughts of this child’s home life.

I’ve read and heard repeatedly that the average burn-out time for teachers is 4-5 years. I have no idea what the time frame is for SpEd teachers, but by the time I’m finished with my school work and ending student teaching, I’ll be near the 4 year mark. I figure I’ll have a better idea of whether or not I can hack it by then. Right now I’m going off the fact I still show up for work after a year of being cursed at like I’ve never been cursed at before, hit, punched, kicked, spit on, and threatened with murder. On a daily to semi-daily basis. Yes, really.

With even my paltry position as a quasi-teacher, I’m scared by the lack of psychological background required. Even my on-coming studies don’t focus highly on the psychological side of things, which I’ve come to view as paramount to students’ success. They’re dealing with shit I never imagined eight-year-olds would have to face (that’s my bourgeois naïveté for ya). And in the classroom, I feel wholly incompetent and repeatedly find myself throwing up my arms in frustration at not knowing what the fuck to do to help these kids. With adults you can say, “Buck up. Buy a helmet, cause this shit doesn’t get any better” but with kids you feel remorse at their lack and/or loss of childhood, of that time when they shouldn’t have a care in the world, when the adults around them are there to make things better. With my students, often the adults make things worse. They come from “broken” homes, overworked and overburdened parents, or parents who just don’t give a shit because they’re more concerned with themselves.

I never knew this segment of children existed. Or at least, I never thought about the possibility of their existence. Sure, my childhood has mixed parts fucked-up and normal, but these kids? For these kids it’s mostly fucked-up and abnormally normal.

I suppose a lot of this rant of mine stems from the lack of support from our administrators and so-called therapists. But I’d gather even they feel at a loss as to what to do with these kids.

Statistically, I’m working with a miniscule portion of our public school student population. But really, I’m only working with kids who have been so out of whack behaviorally as to garner the recognition and time of their teachers, administrators, and special case workers. Think of all the kids with fucked-up home lives who don’t throw chairs. I’m only working with those who “act it out”, not suffer in silence.

There are upsides–if you look real hard for them, and they’re the things that keep you going.

I’ve seen students who have changed. Who have learned coping skills. Who have been able to learn how to deal with their anger and sadness and frustration and hatred in more “constructive” manners. Sometimes, I have to admit, because we all need to talk about it, it’s only because of drugs. They’ve gotten the antidepressant or stimulant or downer or “inhibitor” that has just clicked with their body and has made them calmer, or more focused, or able to deal with (acknowledge) their emotions. Other times it’s because they’ve been in the system long enough, they’ve matured, or just reached a (mental) age where they can handle the shit life they’ve been dealt. And then they move on, they go back to “normal” school, to a “regular” classroom. And sometimes they stay there. Other times, we see them again, next semester or next year. Sometimes, sometimes though, they’re in the system for good. They get passed along through elementary, junior high, high school, ‘up and out the system, and into our “justice” system.

Seeing a child go from “unmedicated” to “medicated” is halting. The first time I witnessed it in a student unknowingly, I thought something was seriously wrong. It was just like in the movies or teevee, where the mental patient is all crazy and then the doctors stab them with a syringe and the next scene they’re catatonic.

And I have to keep thinking about all the stuff I’ve read about our whole public school system. About how we expect children to sit still in hard desks for 7-8 hours a day, five days a week, ingesting things only to regurgitate them on “standardized” exams. I can’t blame John Doe for getting fidgety after 6 hours of sitting in a desk.

I don’t know what I’m trying to tell you.

I do know that I feel like I’m facing an unwinnable battle. But I’ve signed up for it, thinking that somehow I can win, somewhere, so fuck it, why not try?

The main problem I have is finding decent movies for children. Let me also say I don’t have children of my own yet. But, I was a child once and I remember a chunk of the movies I watched as a child, and I think I have a pretty good grasp on what children of certain maturity levels should see in their media in-take.

There are a shit-ton of films for kids. There’s always the Disney stand-by, but many more film companies have made it an industry, too, so picking out the good from the bad is quite a task, as any parent-of-worth is aware.

Last week, for example, one of the movies up for possible viewing was Osmosis Jones (2001). It was picked by the majority, which is the voting system our classroom utilizes, unless overruled by the dictators (i.e., teacher[s]). I can wholeheartedly say that even though Bill Murray is one of the main characters, it is a Piece of Utter and Total Fucking Shit. And I’ve seen some shit movies in my time. This ranks up there with the teevee version of Titanic, which features a flippin’ rape scene in-between the singing, just so you can get perspective on how it rates on the Piece of Utter and Total Shit Meter.

A rough synopsis: Murray’s character is a low-life slob/single father eating his way to a heart attack, all while trying to impress and win the heart and trust of his daughter, a totally self-conscious adolescent (i.e., not yet even a teenager). He eats so shittily that his body, displayed in animation/cartoon, revolts (i.e., gets sick). The bulk of the film thus portrays the internal workings, according to the anatomical and medicinal education of the film company et al, from germs rising up and a virus threatening to take over and kill the host, to a white blood cell (ironically, the voice of Chris Rock) and a super-pill (what a beefcake of a man) coming in to save the day.

My best parts of the film:

• Murray’s character is sick and a friend of his comes over to hang. His friend brings a six-pack of beer and reminds Murray to “drink your fluids.” Murray asks if beer counts–you bet it does!
• Murray’s daughter is on the bus to school. Friends in the seat behind her present to her fake eyelashes they bought for her. She puts them on, self-consciously asks if they’re alright. Friends say, Are you kidding?! “YOU LOOK GOOD WITH FALSIES.”

WHAT THE FUCK.

Only Hollywood could make this shit up and call it appropriate for kids. Only a jaded/corrupted ratings board could rate it “PG for bodily humor”. Positive associations with beer don’t count, eh? Telling girls “falsies” are okay doesn’t count, either? WTF.

The Partner suggests I bring in old 1950s films from archive.org to show. I’d LOVE for my students to watch (and understand) films on proper hygiene, good manners, social behavior, and working hard in school, but my kids have the attention spans equating to attention span? Look, I’ve got toes here on my feet!

Today’s movie was Funky Monkey? Let me look it up.

Yes, Funky fucking Monkey (2004).

Ugh. Total and Utter Shit, again. At least there was only live-action, and no cartoon representations this time. Although, I think using a chimpanzee performing karate moves (and a gang of Asians(?) called “The Chows” [!!!]) cancels out those points. OMFG the CHOWS!

In short, I’m looking for films that:

• Show loving, caring relationships between children, children and adults, children and other animals, adults and other animals, etc.
• Have positive portrayals of all kinds of peoples (i.e., Blacks, African Americans are not the animals, bad guys; Whites are not the All-Saving Knights in Shinning Armor; and women are not helpless, self-absorbed, body-conscious bimbos and/or sluts in need of saving)
• Have no drug/alcohol references
• Don’t show unrealistic portrayals of humans and other animals
• Don’t encourage fantasy living
• Don’t encourage consumption/consumerism
• No preference for/mention of religion/particular religion
• Yet teach valuable lessons of self- and community-betterment

So far, it seems impossible. Please, prove me wrong.

One film I remember from childhood, Pete’s Dragon (1977), which I think I’ll bring in for next week (its merits openly debatable, so please do):

The Networked Student

Informational video concerning the ‘networked student’

The Networked Student was inspired by CCK08, a Connectivism course offered by George Siemens and Stephen Downes during fall 2008. It depicts an actual project completed by Wendy Drexler’s high school students. The Networked Student concept map was inspired by Alec Couros’ Networked Teacher. I hope that teachers will use it to help their colleagues, parents, and students understand networked learning in the 21st century.

Anyone is free to use this video for educational purposes. You may download, translate, or use as part of another presentation. Please share.

Lunch Lessons: Changing the Way We Feed Our Children, Chef Ann Cooper

Did You Know?

Did You Know? 2.0

I know! It’s VERY exciting. My extended vacation has come to an end and not by means of graduate school. But, I believe I’ll learn just as much through this position and it should enable me to narrow down grad school possibilities. I interviewed Friday, observed the classroom Monday, and started today. However, and this is a depressing however, “classroom” means I’ll be working with Other People’s Children. If it’s one thing you ought not blog about, it’s Other People’s Children. At least not those you work with.

This is a major bummer because I will have OUTRAGEOUS stories to tell; but alas, they cannot be for your eyes. Perhaps I can get away with snippets of conversation here and there. We’ll see. This is new territory for me—I’ve never ever worked with children, but so far my only worries concern winter and whether or not they’ll infect me with their child diseases.

Relatedly, here’s something from Taylor Mali that I’m pretty sure I’ve posted before, but you should watch it all the same as it will inspire the pants off anybody:

Comment I’m replying to:

Cobweb: Of course I listen, and of course I encourage my 15 year-old to keep talking. The hard part is what do I tell her? So far, it’s 1) sex requires emotional maturity 2) sex can feel demeaning outside of a caring relationship, 3) High School kids are highly sexist and brutal to “sluts”, 4) Condoms aren’t 100%. What else?

@Cobweb:

1) Sexual intercourse does not always come with “emotional maturity”; sexual intercourse will happen whether both or either parties are “mature” or not.

What is “emotional maturity”? A 15-year-old may not always listen to what you, an older adult, have/has to say, anyway. Sexual intercourse/sexual activity is part of the process of learning about one’s self and one’s body/sexual body; i.e, sexual intercourse/sexual activity can be an experience while on one’s way to “sexual maturity”.

2) Sexual intercourse can feel “demeaning” outside of a “caring relationship”, but not always.

What is a “caring relationship”?

Sexual intercourse/sexual activity can be a way to experiment/experience one’s body/desires/attractions/etc.

3) High school is high school. Or, high school is pre-university.

Saying to a younger person (age 15 or so), “Well, high school is X, Y, Z” or “You will experience X, Y, Z in high school” could be seen as demeaning towards, or talking down to, a younger person.

Wisdom comes with experience, which is not always associated/correlated with numerical/birth age.

If you have issues talking with/to/at with your daughter, or know of any daughter (or son), being called a “slut” or such, direct them to reading material, that they can read on their own, without interference from parents/guardians (or with an elder’s guidance/open ear/shoulder) (such as: Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era [by Boston Women's Health Book Collective]; Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman [by Phyllis Chesler]; Feminism Is For Everybody [by bell hooks]; The Culture of Make Believe [by Derrick Jensen]; Pornography: Men Possessing Women [by Andrea Dworkin]; Pink Think: Becoming A Woman In Many Uneasy Lessons [by Lynn Peril])

and

4) No, condoms aren’t 100% effective against unwanted pregnancies and STDs/STIs.

Use birth control (on both the female and male side [male condoms, female condoms, spermicide, dental dams, the Pill, etc.]) and question your possible partner regarding their sexual history (how many people have they had sexual activities with [and of which kind], have they been tested in the past 6 months, etc.); get yourself tested regularly (at least every 6 months if you’re sexually active) and have you and your possible sexual partner go in and get tested TOGETHER, BEFORE you do anything sexual together. Know of back-up methods, such as emergency contraception, pregnancy termination, adoption, etc.

The absolute best we, as elders/more experienced persons, can do for youth is:

- be open to conversation, WITHOUT judgment

- know of local area resources for answers to questions we cannot answer

- help them protect themselves (they will have sex whether we want them to or not; Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource for both child and parent, for example)

- help them educate themselves

- treat them as fully capable of making their own informed decisions